Hello loves! I keep getting questions about where I find my resources for safe kink & BDSM. Also, my Sex Coaching clients ask me for activity-based resources all the time, so I figured I would compile them into something for my audience.

This “Resource Guide” series will include vetted links, sources, and resources that I use with confidence as a Sex Educator. All information I’ve found from these resources is free & open to the public — so feel free to use and share this with others while crediting all sources, please.

Note: any advice or resource listed here is NOT for misinterpretation or to be used in any form of abuse, entrapment, manipulation, and/or to engage in ANY non-consensual activity. All views that are not my expressly my own will be adequately cited under ‘sources’.

Let’s get into it!

WHAT is Impact Play?

Impact play is any practice that involves one person receiving impact — for example, being spanked, punched, whipped, or flogged — by another person for the sake of gratification. - Lateef Taylor, Sex Educator from Healthline

IMPACT PLAY

Any activity involving striking or hitting, as for example flogging, spanking, whipping, or percussion. (Impact play can also include slapping and punching.)

— From Xeromag.com BDSM Glossary

Remember that Impact Play is about CONSENSUAL kink and previously discussed parameters; just like in any kink activity or BDSM relationship.

Impact Play can also be considered a form of Pain Play, so be mindful of your own pain tolerance and that of others engaging.

PAIN PLAY

Any activity in which one person inflicts pain on a consenting partner, for the pleasure of one or more of the people involved. Spanking, flogging, paddling, whipping, and so on are all forms of pain play.

— From Xeromag.com BDSM Glossary

Before indulging in Impact Play with a partner, make sure that you have a safe word, and that you each are each evoking consent using kink standards such as SSC, PRICK, RACK, & CCC.

Don’t know what all of these are? Here is a great intro to BDSM presentation that will clear up any acronymic questions. You can also check out the video below!

Video Source: SSC, RACK, and PRICK: Ethics in Kink

WHAT tools can I use for Impact Play?

Now that you’ve read up on the boundaries of kink & BDSM, it’s time to pick your instrument. What you and your partner put into and get out of Impact Play can depend on the tools you use. The easiest (and most cost-effective) to start with is the hands, if you or your partner have use of them without irritation or harm.

Tools used for impact play can be divided by activity:

Spanking: verb Use of the hands to hit or strike the bum

Slapping & Hitting (with the hands): verb Anytime the hands are used to strike a place OTHER than the bum (generally-speaking) Slapping is basically hand spanking that happens on body parts other than the bum

Slapper: noun An implement used for striking a person, consisting of two thick leather paddles bound together at the handle, such that when the person is struck the two paddles hit one another, creating a loud sound.

Flogger: noun An implement used to strike a person, consisting of a handle with multiple lashes attached to it. The lashes are typically made of leather, but may also be made of materials such as rope, suede, horsehair, or even Koosh balls. See also cat, cat o' nine tails, dread koosh flogger, fire whip.

Cane: noun A thin, flexible instrument used to strike a person. Canes are often made of rattan or a similar material, but may be made of other types of wood or even of flexible plastic such as polycarbonate. They are quite painful, often leaving marked welts. Also, verb to strike with a cane.

Whip: noun An implement used for striking people, consisting of one or more lashes (often made of leather or of some stiff material wrapped or braided in leather) affixed to a handle. 2. Any of a class of knots made by wrapping one part of a rope repeatedly around itself or around another rope.

Also, verb 1. To strike with a whip, flogger, or similar object. 2. To strike repeatedly and rapidly. 3. Uncommon: To tie using a whip knot. 4. To trim the end of a rope by means of a whip knot, to prevent the rope from fraying. See also singletail, bullwhip, signal whip, tomcat, quirt, lunge whip.

Percussion: verb Any form of impact play involving striking with a blunt or fairly heavy implement, such as a buck hammer or Taylor hammer.

— From Xeromag.com BDSM Glossary & Healthline

WHERE

As in, WHERE you’ve decided to have your implement/instrument strike. Distinctions about where you may & may NOT strike/be struck is an INTEGRAL point of conversation before engaging in Impact Play.

Please review the following chart depicting the ‘safe zones’ of Impact Play with your play partner(s). GREEN means ‘go’!

— Chart from Deviance and Desire

For clarity, these places are usually okay to play (with CONSENT of all involved):

• Lower arms

• Bum

• Upper thighs

• Flanks / Side-body - AVOID THE RIBS

• Fleshy parts of the body

• CONSULT THE CHART & ARTICLE ABOVE FOR MORE

You generally want to avoid these areas:

• Head

• Neck

• Ears

• Kidneys - located in the back, below the ribcage, and above the butt

• Knees

• Spine

• Tailbone

• Ankles

• Calves

HOW to approach Impact Play

Approach with caution and care! Impact Play can be as advanced or nuanced as you would like, but the level of pain & pleasure should be explicitly discussed to make sure each person is getting what they would like out of the experience.

A good way to ensure that you are proceeding with caution would be to keep a gauge on the pain tolerance desired and which implement or tool is being used. Check out the following guide to pain tolerance using The Arkham Scale of 1-10 and the Implement Guide (sources unknown / unlisted).

Remember there is a HUGE difference between inflicting pain and inflicting harm. That difference lies in consent, safety, and boundary-setting.

— Ari Antwine, Sensual Educator

WHEN to engage in Impact Play

Engage in Impact Play after you have mitigated risk and talked with a partner. This article has a list of some great questions to ask before engaging such as:

• What do you like your bits called? What names do you like to be called, if any?

• Have you had any experience with impact play before?

• Where do you want to hit or be hit?

• How do you feel about marks? If OK, where do you like them?

• Do you bruise easily?

• Do you have any medical concerns to be aware of?

— from A Beginner’s Guide to Impact Play (Healthline)

Since Impact Play involves inflicting pain for a pleasurable experience, Aftercare is highly encouraged. Make sure that Aftercare is discussed before Impact Play begins and that adequate time is set aside.

AFTERCARE

A period of time after intense BDSM activity in which the dominant partner cares for the submissive partner. Commentary: Some BDSM activities are physically challenging, psychologically intense, or both. After engaging in such activities, the submissive partner may need a safe psychological space to unwind and recover. Aftercare is the process of providing this safe space.

— From Xeromag.com BDSM Glossary

Impact Play may not be anything new to you, but the fact is that kink, BDSM play, and sexual energy exchanges heighten sensation and draw the body out of its state of homeostasis. Aftercare is the intentional psychical & emotional care that should occur after a kink scene (or any sexual energy exchange) to get all partners to come back “down” from their experience.

Aftercare is essential in allowing all parties to get back to equilibrium — or a place where they do not feel susceptible to triggers or vulnerable.

Aftercare is the intentional psychological & emotional care that should occur after a kink scene (or any sexual energy exchange) so that all partners may come back “down” from their (often elating or dissociative) experience.

— Ari Antwine, Sensual Educator

Aftercare can occur right after, a few hours, or even days after kink play. It all is up to the parties involved and the expectations that you each have set to take care of each other in ensuring an equally beneficial, holistic, and fulfilling experience.

Note: You can also do what’s called a post-session check in a few days after the experience. This establishes a level of awareness and trust that prioritizes caring for the mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing of your partner(s) beyond the container of your experience. It can be as simple as sending a text with, “Hey! How are you doing since we played?”.

Whenever or however you choose to do your Aftercare, just make it count!

Examples of Impact Play aftercare can involve:

• Talking through your scene; reviewing likes and dislikes

• Icing or heating bruises and/or sore bits of the body

• A sensual shower or bath

• Massage

• Cuddling

• Time alone/apart

• HYDRATION & snacks

• Whatever you or your partners deem necessary!

Aftercare is essential! Aftercare Aftercare Aftercare. Note: Aftercare is great after any kind of play or sexual activity. It’s NOT limited to kink.

Video Source: Aftercare- (after kink care)

WHY is Impact Play beneficial?

I could go on for a very long time about the link between pain and pleasure and the space between that people love exploring. But instead of making this any longer. I implore you to do some self-discovery and check out these research articles

• Pain and Power: BDSM as Spiritual Expression by Alicia Charles D'Avalon — Inquiries Journal

• The Connection Between Sexual Pain and Pleasure by Wendy Stragar — Huffington Post

• Physical Pain as Pleasure: A Theoretical Perspective — the University of British Columbia, Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology

Happy Kinking!

If you have more questions, submit them via ‘Ask Ari’

If you want to explore these aspects with a Sex Coach, Setup a Discovery Call

If you are curious about Sensual Education & what I do, head here

In Love & Pleasure,

Ari

Sources

BDSM GLOSSARY: Dictionary of BDSM Terms x XeroMag (Glossary/ Guide)

B&D, S&M, D&S, RACK, PRICK, SSC: An entree of acronym soup and kink x Ayesha Kaak

A Beginner’s Guide to Impact Play x by Gabrielle Kassel | Healthline (Article)

SSC, RACK and PRICK: Ethics in Kink x Evie Lupine (Youtube)

BDSM Impact Play Safety Zones x Deviance and Desire

Know Your Implements Chart (Infographic: Pain Tolerance & Implements / Tools)

Spanking Position Severity Chart : The Arkham Scale (Infographic)

Aftercare - (after kink care) x Watts the Safe Word (Youtube)

My Aftercare Routine & Essentials x Evie Lupine (YouTube)

Pain and Power: BDSM as Spiritual Expression by Alicia Charles D'Avalon — Inquiries Journal

The Connection Between Sexual Pain and Pleasure by Wendy Stragar — Huffington Post

Physical Pain as Pleasure: A Theoretical Perspective — University of British Columbia and Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology