Sex Talk | Finding the best Sex Toy: A Female in Sex Tech Perspective

Welcome to Sex Talk: a deep-dive blog series accompanying the SensuElle Podcast. Featured within will be podcast guests who I just couldn’t get enough of… and I wanted to share! This article is a companion for the SensuElle Podcast Episode 1: What the Fuck is Teledildonics?!?

Siri by Wild Momo Photography

Software Engineer Siri couldn’t find the perfect remote sex toy, so she decided to start programming her own! Talk about a hands-on solution, amirite? Here’s a better look into her process, and life as a lady making waves in Sex Tech, one homemade vibrator at a time.

Hi Siri! Tell me, who are you and what do you do?

I'm a 28 year old Hispanic software developer. I've been writing code since I was 13 years old. I started with C++ and then used mostly Java until college. I'm now primarily working with ASP/C# & Python. I do a lot of database work, as well as Front End development when needed. 

Describe your “day job” (bleh) for us.

My day job is behind a desk at an office full of men. I work a normal 8-5 salary job in an industry that no one would ever bat an eye at. It pays the bills and puts a roof over my head while I work towards my dream career.

How did you get started working in Sex Tech?

I’d still call it more of a hobby than a job, but I started this journey when I found out one of my favorite toys used a very clunky app called SVAKOM. I looked at it and said “I can write that way better”, so I looked into app development. One thing lead to another, and then I found the open source code for the toy! It’s been my “testing toy”. Recently, I’ve enjoyed making it vibrate to the tune of the imperial march. It’s not exactly very effective for sexual use, but it does help me work with the full capabilities of the pre-made toy. 

I’ve found myself struggling with a lot of the popular sex toys on the market, regardless of price. They often felt like the female body was an afterthought and the female fantasy was the forefront of the product. The vibrations were too weak, too strong, made me go numb. The patterns used in all the toys ranging from $50-$300 all were the same.  The "super techy" toys with mobile capabilities felt like they were created by a male intern over the weekend. 

I got a 3D printer about a year ago, and that really piqued my interests and made me go "What could I do to make this better for myself? I'm a smart girl, I can make my own sex toy"From there, I started looking into robotics with a Raspberry Pi and Arduino, and I started looking into 3D printing with PLA & Resin. I’ve also looked into silicone and acrylic molds, and taken into consideration the requirements for those and the female body. Everything I’ve researched has only been with me and my preferences in mind, but I think that something so intimate and personal should start like that, and then expand from there. 

Describe a day on the life of a Sex Techie.

Emails. Every day starts with journaling and emails while drinking my morning coffee. I’m a big fan of newsletters, so I’ll always check through those and see if any new updates have been released that may help my projects. After that, I’ll settle into my computer, start a new STL on the 3D printer to run and basically spend my entire day writing tests or fixing bugs. It’s not the most interesting thing to discuss, but it’s a necessary step to get a stable product. The open source code comes from a project called buttplug.io, which uses open source standards & software for controlling intimate hardware, toys, machines and electrostim projects. It mostly uses Rust, C#, Javascript and Python, depending on the preference of the software developer. The app they use is called “intiface”, which I think is very cute.

Can you talk about the discrimination you *might* face as a programmer/developer/human working in Sex Tech or as a Woman working in Sex Tech?

Sure! It would be very similar to the discrimination Women face in Tech. We’re not taken seriously, we’re fantasized, we’re objectified. 

Part of the reason I haven’t chased this hobby as a career yet is because I lean on the more “traditionally attractive” female stereotype. As a woman in tech, I’m constantly mansplained, talked over and objectified. Men in my industry often view me as someone to take to dinner and take to bed rather than a colleague to take seriously and respect. I could only imagine that would increase when you’re working on a product that is based off your sexual preferences.

For example, building a product that would best bring a female to orgasm, any male working with me would probably imagine me in that position and may lead to some harassment issues that you may not face if the industry was, lets say, email. 

Where do you see the future of Sex Tech? Does it involve Women or should it involve (more) Women?

I see it only getting better as technology gets better. There is so much room for growth, especially for women. Men have so many intricate toys that really get down to the specifics for their pleasure, but women are left with a buzzy and a insert-y. It goes so much deeper than that, pun intended. 

I think women should be involved from the very start. From the very first prototype that’s 3D printed or made out of an acrylic mold. From the very first line of code, it should absolutely be women all the way down. 

How are YOU planning to contribute?

I would love to make a career out of this, but I’m honestly scared to start or reach out to anyone where I’m not an anonymous entity. 

If I ever have enough funds or support to safely start my own business and have a team of women who work on sex toys for women? That would be ideal. I’d love to freelance, & you can get so specific. Toys made for all ethnicities and cultures of women, women with disabilities (like me), women who may have preferences in one direction or another, women who were not born female- but still deserve to be called and treated like women. 

There is a huge potential for toys for these kinds of women, and so many toys in sex shops are just one size fits most. 

Has being a programmer made you think twice about your sex toy purchases?

Absolutely. What many people think of as “high-tech toys” are not really that [technical] at all, and are just quickly thrown together using old software; the same 10 vibration modes, etc. Being able to code my own apps and software really made me aware of the trickery. 

Are there any things to AVOID when buying a sex toy for yourself or others?

If you’re going into a shop, avoid the shop staff. I know that this isn’t a label for everyone, but try not to impulse buy sex toys. Do your research, watch some videos about the toys, look into the material. Don’t listen to the staff when they say the toy does what you think it does. 

Toys are usually non-refundable, and they want to take advantage of that and the discomfort of buying a sex toy. I had bought a toy that I was told was for long distance [remote or LDR usage], and it was only bluetooth distance (which in theory should be 30 ft, but we all know that’s a lie). There are definitely toys out there already for almost everything, but they’re either ridiculously expensive, or lying about what they actually do. 

What toy types or brands are your favorite?

I love suction toys!  Vibrating toys make me go numb, as I run a bit sensitive, but the suction toys have been very quick and pleasant. I’d love them even more if they had a low heat element to them. I’m not very big on toys that involve any inserting. They’re either too cold, too hard, or they just don’t feel right. 

What should someone look for in a quality/well-programmed sex toy?

Look for sanitation, comfort, flexibility and your preferences. 

If it uses an app, see if you can find a way to trial the app in the store with the demo product, or view the app via a video first.  A toy and its app shouldn’t be clunky, freeze, and the reviews should always include the developer feedback. That’s so important. 

If it’s an insertion toy, then you might need to lube it up and work into it for growth, but if it’s a clit toy, then it should be comfortable from the start. Always keep in mind that the toy you’re using was most likely made by a man from step 1, even if the company itself is “female owned”. 

What is the strangest thing you’ve learned working in Sex Tech?

So many toys use the exact same tech, but sell in very large range of prices. The materials aren’t even that different to justify that price range.