I had to do something really hard this week. I had to say ´No’. No to myself (n thinking that I could do so much at once). And No to some projects I have been brewing.

At the pique of my anxiety, I had to get some things off my plate. I let people who were waiting on a deliverable know that I couldn’t get it done. And y’know what? No one died when I told them! Nothing terrible happened at all, actually! And I didn’t feel terrible — I was relieved!

I was honest with the folks I had to tell ‘No’’, and communicated that my mental health needed a breather. The benefits of admitting this (without reproach or resistance) was twofold; I feel less pressure to say yes to things in the future and admitting that I needed a break to others has allowed me to admit the same fact to myself. Ultimately, saying No to something means that I can say yes to myself

I have a tendency to catastrophize when I feel like people are depending on me to deliver. What will they think of me or will i be a flake in their eyes etc.

But I’ve found that this is largely due to complex trauma ( thanks THERAPY!). The trauma of being flaked on by friends, fuckboys, and family- and having my trust broken throughout these stories.

From being harmed by other’s shitty and avoidant behavior, I’ve developed a pattern of rigidity; I’ve chosen to hold myself to a standard of ‘NEVER flaking’ & always saying ‘yes’ to things, even when my heart’s not in it. Because I never want to disappoint others the way that some people have disappointed me.

Knowing this, I can move forward more empowered in exercising my ‘No voice’. Because saying ‘No’ opens the door to say ‘Yes’ to something better later on.

Affirmation: “There is power in saying ‘No’.”