Exhaling 2020
There is so much to say about the wake that this year has left us in. And with a super-strain of COVID-19 touching down this week in the US, I can’t say 2021 will be marginally better. Although an end is in sight, I feel resistant to any hopefulness. Call it optimism fatigue or just life in 2020, but the soul is sucked out of me.
With the Saturn + Jupiter Conjunction that occurred last week (12/21), and this week’s full moon in Cancer on Dec. 29th — I am feeling drained (this is all ‘woo’ for, “I’m astrologically fucked right now”). This year and this time, particularly, have been very difficult. My spiritualism has been challenged year-long with the sudden death of my Mom and well, the state of the world.
To offload some of this spiritual build-up, I attended a community workshop x Unladylike Chi on 12/21 about letting things go and setting intentions for 2021. I am NOT a resolutions person, so this approach seemed more my speed.
In the workshop, I was struck by the journaling prompts:
What relationships, pain, attitudes, behaviors, etc not longer serve you? When you remove these things from your life, what ill you replace them with?
What dreams & goals have you set for yourself & maybe neglected for whatever reason? How will you restore motivation and give your dreams the commitment they deserve?
What does your future community, self, love-life, career, home, relationship, car etc look like? Be as specific as possible!
When I read this, I realized I had not watered any of these aspects over the last year. I, like most people, have been delicately stepping on the tightrope of 2020. While I’ve made it through, I don’t think I’ve addressed these things nearly as much as I ‘should have’. 2020 felt like it took away so many tangible and intangible things — with the main aspect missing for me being my ability to dream; to think bigger for myself, and to build the community and life that I envisioned for myself when I moved cross-country in late 2019 (4 months before the pandemic).
I don’t have an answer for this, so I will keep working today, next year, and always. For today, I exhale 2020 and inhale the next chapter.
I will also be taking a spiritual bath, practicing some emotional hygiene, and watching Yearly Departed for the third time.