Episode 9: Opening Up | A Vaginismus Mental Health Journey with Danielle Longueville
Photo of Danielle by Flesh and Flora Photography
Danielle Longueville, Founder & Co-Host of What The Femme podcast, opens up about how trauma-induced Vaginismus (involuntary vaginal tightness) shifted her perspective on mental health, accessibility, and the privilege of pleasure. Danielle (she/her) answers Burning Questions about:
Creating Mental Health practices in isolation
Why teaching abroad in France was anything but a fairy tale
How she uses therapy and masturbation to heal complex sexual trauma from childhood
Why Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) and Relationship Anarchy are her jams
How to honor relationship boundaries while developing her queer sexual identity
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Featured in this Episode
Danielle Longueville
Digital Marketing Coordinator, Queer Podcaster, Community Leader
About our Guest: Danielle Longueville (who you might know as burlesque performer Marie de Menthe) is a digital marketing coordinator, Founder & Co-host & executive producer of WTFemme!? Podcast, where she and cohosts Birdie Holly and Tori Falcon interview Femmes, people of marginalized genders, and the occasional ally about who they are, their art, and what “femme” means to them. Danielle is passionate about creating space for under-served voices, while also developing a time capsule of queer history through her work. She loves working with the community and giving back to her community when and however she can.
Pronouns: She/Hers
More from Danielle: WTFemme!? Podcast on Instagram // Facebook // Patreon
Follow Danielle’s work: Site // Instagram
Resources, Tangents, & Mentions:
WTFemme!? Podcast with Marie De Menthe & Birdie Holly
Oaktopia Music Fest — Discover Denton
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities x by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships x Tristan Taormino
Example of a Polyamorous or ENM relationship contract — Poly For Us
Love Languages — 5LoveLanguages.com
The Difference Between Relationship Anarchy and Non-Hierarchical Polyamory — Youtube
“Steven Universe” Is the Queerest Cartoon on Television — Them
How This Nonbinary Woman Created the Queerest Cartoon on Television — Them
“A Teacher” Series Trailer — Youtube
Resources from “A Teacher” miniseries
The National Sexual Assault Online Hotline — RAINN
What is Vaginismus?: Description, Condition, Types — Hope and Her
Vaginismus Support Group — Facebook Group
Painful Intercourse — Sex Info Online
Dilators from Sexology Shop - use code SENSUELLE for %10 off
Sex Ed // Definitions:
Grooming - manipulative behaviors that an abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse and reduce the risk of being caught. Grooming behaviors are not only used to gain a victim’s trust but often are used to create a trustworthy image and relationship with their family and community so they have more direct access to their victims. — from FX Networks.com
Vaginismus - a condition characterized by involuntary spasms of the pelvic floor (PC) muscles that surround the vaginal canal and are often the most extreme form of dyspareunia. Females who experience vaginismus report extreme coital pain, characterized by burning or itching, particularly upon penetration. In the most extreme cases, penetration is impossible due to the increased tightness of the vagina caused by involuntary contractions. From SexInfoOnline.com
Vulvodynia - chronic pain, burning, or irritation around the vulva. From The Lilly
Dyspareunia - aka Painful Sex is when there is pain during sexual intercourse or other sexual activity that involves penetration. The pain may be superficial or deep. It may result from vaginal dryness or disorders of the genital organs. The diagnosis is based on symptoms and a pelvic examination. From MSD Manuals.com
Dilators - Vaginal dilators provide a substitute means to trigger pelvic muscle reactions, teaching women how to override involuntary contractions, relaxing the pelvic floor so it responds correctly to sexual penetration. Graduated vaginal insertion exercises with dilators allow women to comfortably transition to the stage where they are ready for intercourse without pain or discomfort From Hope & Her
Switch - One who can change roles, being either dominant or submissive (or, less frequently, sadistic or masochistic) at different times or with different partners. From BDSM Glossary
Sources // Further Reading:
Out on the Couch: Helping Clients to Negotiate Intimate Relationship Contracts — The Affirmative Couch
How to Write an Open Relationship Rules Agreement that Works — The Free Love Diaries
Jesse’s Poly Contract — Polyamory for Us
RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS — More Than Two
What It’s Like to Have Severe Vaginismus — The Cut
3 in 4 women will experience painful sex. What’s with the impulse to just ‘grin and bear it’? — The Lilly
Lily Lines: Women of all ages have this intimacy issue — The Lilly
Why painful sex can plague women at any age — The Washington Post